


Feeling

by cheshireslovely



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bulimia, I don't know, Kinda, M/M, Multiple Personality Disorder, Mute - Freeform, Rehab AU, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, it's sad but happy, like... a mental rehab, not a drug rehab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 19:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshireslovely/pseuds/cheshireslovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join the journey of Niall and Zayn learning how to feel again.  Friends come along the way, a schizophrenic, mute and a multiple personality disorder patient.  They’re an odd group, but they get along and slowly live their lives in The Institute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first chaptered story I wrote for One Direction. I wrote it a while back, but I haven't posted it here. So here it is!

Niall’s eyes never left the window as they drove, the slowly sliding rain making the dreary mood that much more obvious along with the softly playing slow music. Everything was as if it was perfectly set up for the beginning of a movie… Only this wasn’t a movie, this was Niall Horan’s life. Or, more of his new life. In his mind, he knew this was probably for the best, but he couldn’t help but feel almost betrayed by his own mother. Why couldn’t she just help him? Why did she have to send him away to some rehabilitation center?

 

“Niall, you know I can’t help you the way you truly need it,” she had said, trying to soothe her hurting son, but Niall took none of it. He didn’t see what the big deal was, he needed to lose weight anyway. If only he was eighteen, the legal age of consent, but no, he was still too young to be making his own decisions. He was being sent to prison all because he threw up a lot.

 

“Mum, do I really have to go?” Niall suddenly asked, voice raspy and cracking due to the damage done to his throat. That was one bad side effect, he supposed, not being able to sing anymore. Maura looked over to her son, their eyes meeting for the first time in a week, and her heart sank at the dull yet pleading ache in them. She sighed, biting her lip and turning back to face the road.

 

“You know you do love… I’m sorry, but I can’t be your hero anymore,” she whispered, guilt lacing into every word. Niall sighed once more, watching with a sinking stomach as they pulled up to a large, grey building, looking similar to a hotel, but with barred windows.

 

The two got out of the car, hurrying to grab Niall’s bags and get out of the rain. They walked through the sliding glass doors and were met with a brightly lit room. It was simple, the colour scheme full of warm reds and oranges, but it was almost trying to hard to be welcoming… Or maybe that was just Niall. At the front desk was a woman with melted chocolate looking skin and caring eyes, her burgundy lips in a smile. 

 

“You must be Maura and Niall Horan,” she said, voice just as lovely as her eyes, “I’m Rebecca, welcome to the Institute.” Maura said a gentle thanks while Niall simply glared. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t need to be. He stood back, looking around the lobby type room once more, his eyes landing on a pair of large double doors. The glass was flawless and easy to see through, as if they were freshly washed. The inside was a large room, bright and colourful (“Like a kindergarten room…”) with many teenagers walking around. Many looked happy enough, as if this place wasn’t horrible, but one lad had caught his eye. He was different than the others, not socializing but simply sitting alone at a table, working at some type of drawing it seemed. His hair was nicely styled, tattoos visible even from afar, as were his lashes. Niall wondered why nobody was talking to the gorgeous lad… Was he a psycho murderer? No, this isn’t real prison…

 

“Niall,” Maura suddenly called, snapping Niall out of his thoughts as he turned away from the intriguing lad and over to his mother. She was walking over to him, pulling him into a tight embrace - obviously saying her goodbye. He hugged her back, tears welling in his eyes as he did so, truly going to miss his mum. The hug ended all too quickly, Maura gently kissing his forehead before making her way out of the building. With a sigh, Niall walked forward to talk to Rebecca, eyes dull still. 

 

“Niall, you’ll love it here,” she assured him standing up and grabbing one of his bags. He grabbed ahold of the other one, following her to the doors. She stopped there though, smiling over at Niall before opening them. “Welcome to the Institute.”


	2. Chapter 1

Niall hated this already. All eyes were locked on him, slowly taking in his starved structure, looks of sympathy immediately filling their eyes. He bit his lip, tears of anger and frustration suddenly filling his eyes as he glared down at the floor. Why were they judging him? They didn’t know him, they didn’t know anything about him. That’s when Niall realized, only one pair of eyes had not been on him, the pair that he had craved to see. Why hadn’t the tan lad from before looked at him? Was he deaf? Oh no, he was deaf…

 

Niall jumped slightly when he was suddenly nudged forward from his spot planted in the doorway, making him look up at Rebecca. “They’re not here to judge, only to help,” she whispered, as if reading his mind. She then turned back to the lobby, the doors shutting slowly behind her and leaving Niall to essentially fend for himself. Blue eyes began to scan the room, taking in all the people who were now back to concentrating on whatever they had been doing before. Niall looked over to one table, finding that there was a group of people huddled together and whispering, looking back at the Irishman every few seconds. They looked the most sickly of the building… Their features sunken in and dark, arms bony, extremely skinny with their clothes hanging off them…

 

“That’s the eating disorder group, trying to figure out if you belong with them,” a sudden warm, low voice said from beside Niall, making him jump. He whipped around, thoroughly dizzying his nutrient poor body, to find chocolate puppy dog eyes looking at him, warmed from a smile. The lad was naturally tan, not as tanned as mystery lad though, with light brown hair and large, prominent eyebrows.

 

“If I belong with them? Is that how things work here…?” Niall asked, his voice hoarse and quiet. The stranger chuckled softly, a cozy sound, as he shook his head gently.

 

“Only with certain people. The eating disorder group just likes how the others understand, you don’t have to join them if you’d rather not,” he explained vaguely. “My name’s Liam, by the way,” he added on quickly as an afterthought. Niall sighed softly, looking at the group of skinnies once more before shaking his head.

 

“Niall… I wouldn’t fit in there,” said Niall, shrugging softly. He could already tell that they had back stories, reasons to have their disorder… And Niall didn’t. “What made you come over and talk to me?” he asked suddenly, turning back to face Liam. The lad chuckled again, running a hand through his short hair, similar style to Niall’s own bleached locks.

 

“I guess you could say that a little birdy told me to,” he said, making Niall lift his eyebrows in confusion. “I can’t go against the little birdy… Ever,” Liam went on, eyes taking on a slightly glossy look as his tone turned fearful. Niall stared at him, confusion clouding his mind as to what this lad could mean, then it hit him - schizophrenia.

 

Niall didn’t push the topic, just nodded softly and nudged Liam a bit with his shoulder, trying to get the lad out of whatever trance he was in. “How do things work around here then?” At the question, Liam blinked, eyes turning back to their bright state before and he shrugged.

 

“It’s all pretty normal, we have classes, but we also have group sessions. You get in a group with some random people, it doesn’t matter what you’re in for, and then you all just talk. It’s actually… Amazing,” Liam said, smiling gently. Niall sighed softly, opening his mouth to speak, but the words never got their chance to be heard.

 

“I’m speaking peasant,” someone said, a hand suddenly in front of Niall’s face and blocking his view of the person to just call him a ‘peasant’… “Lili, deary, didn’t I tell you to get me something to drink?” a sugary sweet voice cooed, an undertone of threat there. Niall pushed the hand away from him, blinking at the boy who was about his height. “Ugh, ew, the peasant touched me,” the lad said, grimacing in disgust and wiping his hand on Liam’s arm.

 

Liam simply rolled his eyes, not answering this new stranger. “This is Leona, she’s a princess and-” he began to explain to Niall, getting cut off by ‘Leona’ once more.

 

“A strong, independent black woman who don’t need no man!” he exclaimed, making Niall stare in complete and utter confusion once more. This lad, while tanned with caramel skin, was not black… Or a woman…

 

“Leona, you’ll hurt Harry’s feelings again,” Liam whispered as a curly haired teen walked up, green doe eyes wide. He nodded softly at Niall, turning to Liam and giving him this sort of questioning look.

 

“Ugh, Harold, he maybe together with Lewis, but bitch I am Leona. Lee-oh-nuh. I ain’t dating no curly haired pussy,” Leona said, rolling his eyes. Harry and Liam repeated the action, Niall simply standing and trying to work out everything that was going on at the moment.

 

“Niall, this is technically Louis. Louis has MPD, multiple personality disorder with two alters. Louis is dating Harry, who is uh… Refusing to speak. Leona thinks she is literally the princess of Sheba,” Liam quickly explained, Harry nodding along with a slightly smile and a shrug of ‘oh well, what can you do?’. Niall sighed loudly, ruffling up his hair a bit as he did so, ignoring whatever argument Leona was causing now.

 

“This place is insane,” he mumbled, causing Harry to chuckle and shrug. Niall gave the lad a small smile, getting one in return for a moment before everything went back to Leona. But maybe… He wouldn’t hate it here.

 

***

Niall still hated it here. It’d been about three days and he was still settling in, having not gone to any classes or group sessions yet, but there was one crucial bit of information that was making the place nearly impossible to live in. He wasn’t allowed into the kitchen or any snacks between meals.

 

Niall, although bulimic, loved to eat. He absolutely adored food of all kinds and flavours, shapes and sizes - all of it. Plus, it made the whole purging process a lot easier to do… But now he was on a strict diet and eating schedule, bathroom trips monitored as well. It was as if there was no such thing as privacy here and he could just feel himself gaining on the pounds and pounds of fat once more…

 

Everything seem as if this stay would be hell, even with his fun acquaintances (he had met the real Louis now, who was much more pleasant than Leona as well as adorable with Harry). But then, he joined his first group session…

 

The tanned, mystery man from the very first day was back, having been placed in Niall’s new group. He wore a long sleeved shirt and jeans, hair not quiffed up that day with glasses on, all as he sketched away on a notepad. 

 

Niall couldn’t keep his eyes off him, even if he wanted to, it wasn’t possible. Niall could somewhat hear people talking in the background, sniffles also a soft noise, but he was busy studying this lad, looking for some - any - visible reason or clue as to why he was hear. Most of the teens made their reason obvious, scars out or simply talking about it, but this lad seemed to be as silent as Harry. Was he a mute as well then?

 

“Zayn, do you want to share anything today?” the leader of this group, Matt, asked suddenly, causing the figurative apple of Niall’s eye to look up. He shrugged a bit, shaking his head with empty eyes.

 

“I’m fine,” he said simply, making most of the group sigh and Niall’s confusion to worsen. So he wasn’t mute, but he still had no obvious problem. Was he antisocial? No, he looked completely at ease… Niall hadn’t realized that his eyes were actually locked with light brown ones until they narrowed slightly, rolling and turning back to their previous focus. Niall’s heart began to hammer in his chest, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he quickly looked down. He had just made eye contact with this stranger - Zayn. Niall didn’t know that it was just the beginning though..

 

***

 

The eye contact continued in various situations, Niall having found out that Zayn shared several classes with him as well. The group sessions were the best though.

 

Niall would always stare at Zayn, completely taken with his looks and the mysterious air that hung around the lad. For the first two weeks of this, when Zayn would look up, he would glare, causing Niall to feel suddenly skittish and look down.

 

“Just smile at him or something, you can’t go wrong with a smile!” Louis had advised, looking over at Harry then with gentle eyes. “That’s how Harry won me over,” he said, quietly this time, almost as if he was speaking solely to Harry. They shared a quick, soft peck, being utterly adorable once again. Niall enjoyed Louis, he really did, much more than the frequent visitor Leona, but sometimes he and Harry became too much, got too cute. They seemed happy, happy enough to leave even, but he was quickly corrected by Liam.

 

“You can’t leave here until you’re cured or at least handling whatever your problem is by yourself,” he had explained, going on to say that most people here were happy now, happy to fit in, but they weren’t happy with themselves. Liam himself couldn’t leave because he was still terrified of the ‘little birdy’. Louis still couldn’t keep Leona under control, though his other alter was under reign. Harry still hadn’t spoken. And Niall still found ways to throw up. None of them could leave, and it would stay that way for an unpredictable amount of time.

 

Back to the situation at hand though, Niall had then begun to smile gently whenever Zayn would catch his eye, making the lad raise his eyebrows slightly. This little even went on for several days before Zayn actually sighed, nodding softly at Niall in acknowledgment. Niall’s gentle smile brightened considerably now, nodding back softly. Zayn’s usually emotionless, bored expression actually changed that day, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly before he looked back down.

 

The next time this had happened was after the school hours and group session, Zayn sitting at his usual table across the room from where Niall sat with his friends. Niall was, once again, watching him, wondering just what he was working on so diligently. Zayn looked up suddenly, eyes locking with Niall’s, who smiled brightly once more. Zayn tilted his head to the side in confusion before giving a gentle wave back with a small, barely visible smile. 

 

Niall was quick to grab a piece of paper, writing on it quickly before holding it up. ‘I’m Niall :)’. It was simple and it got a chuckle out of Zayn, who flipped to a blank page of his notepad, writing quickly and holding it up.

 

‘I know who you are.’

 

Niall’s eyes widened, slightly fearful as he looked around with a blush, wondering what to write back, how to respond. A low whistle caught his attention though, making him look back over to Zayn, a new line on the paper. 

 

‘Everyone knows everyone around here, it’s not like I’m stalking you.’

 

Niall laughed at this, trying to hide the sigh of relief he let out at this. He turned back to his table, writing quickly and trying to keep it legible at the same time.

 

‘How are you then?’

 

He held it up, a wide smile on his lips. He got no response though, a simple chuckle and head shake, but no reply. That was okay though, because Niall had just held a conversation with Zayn.

 

***

 

Simple little conversations like that continued, as if they were texting, but not. Zayn slowly came out of his shell in his notes, staring them every now and then, his eyes slowly filling with emotions. After about a month of this (by now, Niall had been in the Institute for two and a half months, purging only once a week, which was a huge improvement), the pair could speak with just their eyes. To Niall, this simple little fact was monumental, it being something that Harry and Louis did all the time. It gave Niall hope that maybe he had chance… Just maybe. This sliver of hope grew substantially one day.

 

It had seemed normal enough, Zayn hunched over a drawing he was hard at work at while Niall simply watched from afar. The difference this time though, was that Zayn’s eyes kept darting up at him, shaded from Niall by his long lashes though. Niall had turned around at one point, talking with Leona and Liam for a bit, arguing with him (her…?) for a bit, before the familiar, low whistle met his ears. He spun back around, looking at the note Zayn was holding up.

 

‘Turn towards me again and don’t move.’

 

Niall raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told, keeping up with the conversation from his new position. He wouldn’t question Zayn, he trust the lad too much already, and was sure that he had a good reason.

 

Later that night, Niall had been laying in bed, simply staring at the ceiling and marveling at how his throat was suddenly much less raw, when there was a light tap at his door. He blinked, slowly getting up and walking over to the light blue door (he had been allowed to paint the room himself, but had gotten lazy and didn’t exactly know what to do, so stopped at the door). He opened it just as slowly, surprised to find the hallway completely empty. Niall looked around in befuddlement, wondering if it had simply been his own mind playing tricks on him, when he finally saw the drawing. 

 

It had been laying on the floor, a perfect sketch of him, but… He was skinny. More than skinny, he resembled the group of eating disorder teens. He didn’t look like how he did in the mirror, in the mirror he was chubby and unpleasant. On this paper though, he was thin and sickly, worse than the mirror. There was a smile on his face though, his eyes somehow lively and bright even as a drawing. Then, he saw the note at the bottom, along with a signature, both in familiar handwriting.

 

‘You’ve made me feel again…

 

Zayn Malik’


	3. Chapter 2

“And then he wrote that you made him feel again?” Louis asked, though it came out as a kind of order almost. Niall blushed, the picture that was now framed and in his room popping into mind. After that night, he had begun to wonder if he truly looked like that… Sunken in and scary… Why would Zayn want to draw him then? They hadn’t ever said two words to eachother, not verbally anyway. Though… Harry and Louis proved that words were not needed for love. The couple was always together when Louis was himself, the blue-eyed lad currently perched upon Harry’s lap in a way that seemed impossible to be comfortable. But they just liked being as close as possible, having already planned to move in together as soon as they both got out. It almost made Niall sick. Almost.

 

But no, he wasn’t sick of them, never could be, he envied them though. Envied what they had, a connection that only soulmates had. Harry and Louis’ story was infamous around the Institute, being one of full of inspiration that gives hope to everyone that they may find love as well. 

 

***

 

When Louis had come to the Institute around two years ago, Harry had already been there for several months. He had friends then as well, but he dropped them to take on Louis. Louis, who had pushed him away, not wanting this sweet, silent lad to have to deal with not only his antics, but Leona and Benji as well. Benji is Louis’ other personality, the exact opposite of Leona. Benji was a five year old boy, very skittish and scared.

 

For those who don’t know, MPD patients gain alters usually to help cope with a traumatic event taking place in their life. Benji came before Leona, when Louis was six or seven and his neighbor often fought with his wife. Louis had been a brave young lad, always wanting to help anyone in need. One night, when seeing this pretty lady being yelled at, he ran infront of her, trying to save her. But he was beaten down. Benji came along in situations when Louis became too stressed, too scared. Leona came along when Louis was bullied later in school, she was there to protect him in a different way.

 

Back in the time Louis first arrived, he had no control over either of his alters, often going into panic attacks when he could feel a switch coming on, though that was usually just his imagination. Harry had been there for him, silent but still supportive - much to the older lad’s despair. Harry was persistent though, slowly growing on Louis with his bright smiles and loving eyes… Benji became dormant one night during a storm; the night Harry and Louis finally got together. 

 

Louis was never scared of thunderstorms, they were one thing that didn’t scare any bit of him, Benji included. However, Harry was scared of thunderstorms, terrified really. He sat down in one of the smaller, cozier common rooms wrapped in a blanket as he struggled to keep the noises out. His knees were against his chest, eyes clenched shut as he felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks. That was when Louis walked down, hearing the gentle, choked sobs coming out. To say he was surprised to see Harry in such a vulnerable state was an understatement. It had always been Louis to be the one broken down and crying, but here Harry sat, trembling with ever crack of thunder. 

 

“Hazza…” Louis had whispered, the shock melting away as he hurried forward, sitting close to Harry. Harry simply whimpered, falling to lean against Louis, instinctively gripping onto his shirt in a desperate attempt to keep the lad close. Louis slowly wrapped his arms around Harry, cradling him gently, whispering soft nothings and soothing things into his ear.

 

The storm lasted for what seemed like ever, finally subsiding and leaving Harry to fully calm down. He looked up then, catching Louis’ eyes with his own for a moment, before leaning forward and connecting their lips in a kiss of pure love and gratitude. Louis was shocked for a moment, eyes wide and staring at Harry’s closed lids, their gentle purplish colour calming. His own eyelids slowly fluttered shut, a hand moving into Harry’s curls, tilting his head to the side in order to change the angle to a more comfortable and deeper one. 

 

The kiss lasted for several moments, though still too many hours too short, before Harry pulled back, breathing slightly heavier. His lips still brushed against Louis’ as their foreheads pressed together, eyes connected in a gaze. “I love you Louis,” Harry had whispered then, but that bit was a secret. They had been together ever since.

 

***

“You have to talk to him!” Louis’ demanding voice suddenly cut through Niall’s thoughts, making him jump slightly. Bright blue eyes widened as he quickly shook his head, cheeks flushing a rather flattering pink.

 

“I can’t Louis! What if he doesn’t actually want to talk to me? What if he was just fucking around with me?! What if-“

 

“GOOD GOD!” Louis shouted suddenly, though his voice took on a slightly edgier tone, eyes sharper almost. “If you don’t get up on that dick Horan, I will!” Oh…

 

Niall let out a sigh, of course it was just his luck for Leona to choose this actually time of desperate need to come out and screw everything up. “Leona, please, this is serious… I can’t just up and talk to him,” he sighed, laying his head down softly. He felt the familiar weight of Liam’s arm gently resting across his shoulders, trying to soothe and support him at the sametime. 

 

“You sound like you need sometime away man, why not go out to the garden or the music room?” he suggested, ignoring the scoff it got from Leona and focusing on Niall.

 

“Music room?” Niall piped up, head moving up with his eyes bright. Liam, Leona and Harry gave him strange looks, nodding softly and showing Niall to his brand new sanctuary.

 

***

‘You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,’ Niall softly hummed along with the guitar he played as he sat in the room alone, thinking back on Zayn. Had he meant it..? What had he even meant, making him feel again?! That didn’t make any sense! Niall let out a loud frustrated sigh, though not missing a chord. There was a soft chuckle from the other side of the room, making Niall sigh again.

 

“I swear, if that’s Louis, Harry or Liam, I’m going to flip my shit,” he called, not turning around. The next thing that met Niall’s ears made his fingers freeze and his heart pick up double time.

 

“Please do anyway, that would be fun.” That voice. It was so familiar, but so new at the sametime; one that he had heard very few times but had been in his mind for the past months. The voice that was warm, low and soothing, but not so empty anymore. It was new, different, full of emotion.. It was beautiful.

 

Niall whipped around, eyes meeting Zayn up close for the first time. Ever. “Yeh, I’ve been told that it’s pretty amusing,” he said, voice coming out much more timid and quiet than he had intended to. The chuckle he got in return though was absolutely gorgeous. 

 

“I want to take you out,” Zayn suddenly said, surprising Niall. That was… blunt. He had been somewhat expecting it, they had been constantly flirting over note, but he hadn’t expected it to be so… satisfying actually. “We should see a movie together… Get dinner… Talk under that stars,” he went on, smiling gently and making Niall’s heart skip a beat. He nodded slowly, smiling up at Zayn, who was being way too tempting while biting that lip.

 

“That sounds amazing… I’d love to,” he said, heart pounding in that way that makes your whole body warm and tingly, full of wonderful love and hope and just perfection. Zayn chuckled softly, nudging Niall over gently to sit beside him, their sides pressed together. 

 

“Teach me how to play for a bit first?” he asked, looking over at Niall with those eyes, those oh so fucking expressive eyes - eyes that had only come to be because of Niall.

 

“Of course,” said he, handing the guitar over to Zayn and slowly curling his fingers over tan ones, beginning to teach a simple tune. Maybe they were like Lou and Haz… Just maybe.

***

“Zayn!” Niall called out through his laughter, running after the tanner lad through the intricate hallways of the Institute. Even if he was running off with Niall’s favourite guitar to use, he couldn’t bring himself to mind… At all really. They had been connected at the hip since their guitar lesson/meet up a week ago, constantly around eachother, though they stayed silent most of the time. Whenever Niall would bring up the topic of Zayn’s reasons for being there or what he meant by his note, the lad would shoot him down and say it was for Saturday - the day they had planned for their date. Niall was excited, how could he not be? This was the guy he had fancied for so long… Since the very beginning. 

 

“Zayn, how are you going to pay though?” he had asked one day, looking up from where he was softly strumming the guitar to where Zayn was gently playing the piano. There was a soft chuckle as he shrugged, eyes not leaving the keys.

 

“I sold some of my art,” he admitted slowly, making Niall gasp and jump up. Lucky for him, he was wearing the strap and saved himself from wrecking his guitar.

 

“What?! But Zayn, your artwork means the world to you!” he had exclaimed, staring at Zayn with wide, confused eyes. The lad shrugged softly, smiling over at Niall.

 

“You were worth it.”

 

Niall was brought back to the present as he felt a gentle hand on his waist. He blinked, finding Zayn staring at him with those eyes again, the eyes that made his slowly strengthening body go back to the weak, wobbly feeling from before. Zayn had the guitar on his back, his body inches from Niall’s as concern stormed in his eyes.

 

“You alright Ni?” he whispered, warm breath washing over the blonde’s lips and making him gulp. Niall had always wondered what those lips would feel like against his own… “Niall?”

 

“Er, yeah! Sorry, I’m fine, just… Getting lost in thought I guess,” whispered Niall finally, stuttering it out sadly though as he eyes fell to floor and a blush spread on his cheeks. This wasn’t the first time Zayn had seen Niall blush, everything he did pretty much made the younger blush at least a little. But when he was this close, able to see it perfectly, Niall couldn’t stop his heart from hammering almost painfully - in that delicious way. “What are the plan Saturday again?” he asked, trying to get Zayn’s suddenly amused eyes off of him. The gentle chuckle that he was met with was reassuring, especially when the hand on his waist was moved to his own hand, intertwining their fingers.

 

Zayn sighed, beginning to lead Niall to one of the more private, cozy common rooms. “Well, we’ll be going to the movie around seven with Paul, he actually bought most of my drawings, and then we’ll go to dinner and then maybe just lay out in the garden if they allow it,” he said, voice soft as usual. They fell into the comfortable couch in the Autumn room, each of the smaller rooms being themed with a season. Niall’s favourite was the Autumn room, finding the general warmth of it comforting, along with the spicy sweet smell that circulated. The murals were gorgeous trees with changing leaves with Jack-o-lantern paintings as well. Zayn and he spent most of their time there, even though Zayn’s own favourite room was the winter room, the cool and icy mixture of blues and purples comforting to him. The smell of gingerbread and vanilla was perfect as well, with softly playing Christmas music on constantly.

 

“That sounds perfect,” Niall finally whispered, an appropriate distance away… Well, he wasn’t completely in Zayn’s lap…

 

“It will be with you.”

 

***

 

Friday came and went on a usual schedule, but then it was Saturday… And Niall was freaking the fuck out. His nerves were suffocating him as he began to fear what it would be like to stand next to such a sex god while he looked so… deathly. He hadn’t purged since the drawing, the lovely piece opening his eyes to his real reflection… He wasn’t happy with being skinny. He missed having something on his bones, and slowly but surely he was gaining that something back. But he was still frail looking, pale and scrawny while Zayn was.. Perfection.

 

“Niall girl, you needa calm yo tits and just go get on that, okray?” Leona said from her seat on his bed, watching as he scurried around, trying to find the perfect outfit and perfect cologne. He had MEANT for this to be with Louis, who was just as fashionable as Leona, but in Louis form. Leona had a tendency to pop up when she was unwanted though…

 

“Leona, now is not the time for that, I need the right outfit or else I’ll look too small and Zayn will look so amazing and I just- I can’t have people staring at me, judging me, knowing that I did what I did, I can’t- I can’t have that,” Niall stuttered out, voice verging on hysteric as tears filled his eyes. There was a soft sigh from behind him (when he had stopped moving to let the tears fall and shoulders tremble he didn’t even know) as the familiar sound of his comforter rustling. 

 

“Niall.. You are still one fine piece of ass… Even if you don’t got no ass…. Uh, you is strong, remember that boy, they don’t know nothing bout you or your life so they don’t matter.” … At least she tried.

 

“Thanks Leona, I guess… I’ll just finish getting ready on my own then,” he finally said, giving her a small, teary smile over his shoulder. With a shrug, Louis/Leona was gone and Niall was left to try to calm his oncoming panic attack. This night would be perfect… It had to be.

 

***

This. Was. The. Worst. Movie. Ever.

 

Niall was sitting beside Zayn, Paul watching diligently behind them, their hands together once again upon their shared armrest. They had been holding hands for the first half of the movie, but Zayn opted out of that to now draw patterns in Niall’s palm, leading up to his wrist and forearm. The simple traces of his finger tips on the sensitive area sent chills down Niall’s spin, making him bite his lip.

 

The movie was boring though, no real plot line, just a lot of punching and gore and boooooring. Niall felt like he would fall asleep before they could even go to Nandos… And that was not acceptable.

 

“Pst, Nialler,” Zayn suddenly whispered, making Niall look up from the arm rest. He was a bit shocked when their faces were mere inches apart, making him blush softly (thank you dark cave scene). “You wanna run off?” There was mischief laced into Zayn’s words, an explosion coming up on screen and highlighting the matching mischievous glint in his eyes as well. Niall was a bit shocked, run off? But… Paul… Where would they go?

 

“Sure,” Niall could suddenly hear himself murmuring, his own heart racing and a slow smile making its way onto his lips. They waited until the next dark scene, before slipping into low crouches and sneaking over to the staircase. Once there, they stood up fully, looking back at Paul… And making eye contact…

 

“SHIT!” Zayn yelled as Paul launched up, the tanned lad quickly grabbing ahold of Niall’s hand and pulling him down the stairs as fast as possible. They were laughing and running, panting and more laughing. They ran into a nearby theater, playing a different movie in order to hide from Paul for a bit. They were crouched together in a corner by the front, earning odd stares of the people sitting nearby. Niall could feel Zayn’s body behind his, arms wrapped securely around his waist, panting softly into Niall’s ear… He was protective even when joking around for fun… He made Niall feel safe… It was amazing. 

 

They stayed there for several minutes before slowly straightening up and making their way out of the theater, Zayn leading the way and looking around slowly. He gasped when Paul grabbed the back of his collar suddenly. The larger man repeated the action with Niall, making him sigh and give him a large, innocent smile - matching Zayn’s.

 

“If I wasn’t so happy you two are having fun, you’d be in so much trouble,” he grumbled making Niall and Zayn laugh, eyes connecting for another one of their stare fests of perfection… Why was Niall nervous again?

 

***

 

“… And that’s why I’m in the Institute.” Zayn had just finished explaining to Niall just why he had been there as they sat cuddled close together in the artificially cooler Winter room. After their little adventure, Paul had taken them through the drive-thru as punishment before taking them back home. They had just finished not too long before, waiting until then to talk about the serious curiosities that had been plaguing Niall’s mind for months.

 

Now the blonde had tears in his eyes, unsure if they were completely upset that Zayn had done this to himself or partially happy because he had helped just as Zayn had helped him. He bit his lip softly, looking down at the long sleeves covering the scarred arms of Zayn Malik, craving to kiss them better.

 

“Could I… Could I see them?” he whispered tentatively, looking up at Zayn from beneath his eyelashes. He watched as Zayn blinked in shock, eyes taking on an almost glossy effect before he let out a gentle sigh, rolling his sleeves up slowly.

 

“Only because I trust you,” he whispered, showing off his now bare arms. Niall just stared a bit, shocked by all the lightly coloured and raised scars the lined the area, moving all the way and into the sleeve once more. Not all of the scars were visible, making Niall’s stomach clench and drop uncomfortably. There were so many already…. Zayn had been in so much pain.

 

“Not pain, apathy… The only time I ever felt a thing was when I would cut… Then it was like a huge relief, I really could feel, I really was alive,” Zayn suddenly answered, Niall not noticing that he had said the last bit out loud. He looked up at Zayn for a bit, eyes wide and teary. He leant down slowly, eyes never leaving Zayn’s as he placed an almost hesitant kiss to his wrist, looking down then. He placed more kisses there, wondering if he could kiss every scar and make them all better… 

 

Niall’s heart jumped when he felt fingers under his chin, lifting his head up with still pursed lips. Their eyes met once again, for the millionth time that night… And then Niall noticed that they were getting closer, gold and hazel specks suddenly brightened by the fake fire in the room. The ‘flames’ seemed to dance in Zayn’s eyes, though those were slowly closing the closer they came, Niall’s following suit.

 

There was a pause before their lips connected, not hesitant, but sensual, letting their lips brush and graze oh so gently. Niall was actually the one to close the distance, pressing their lips together for a sweet kiss.

 

It was kiss to make all kisses envy it, though starting out slightly awkward and off angle, with a gentle tilt of his head their lips meshed together perfectly. Moving slowly, no hurry or rush for anything… Perfect.

 

That was the whole night: perfect.


	4. Chapter 3

Niall and Zayn stood quietly in the blonde’s now cleared out room, staring at the blank white wall thoughtfully. It had been several weeks since their first date, everyday they became closer and closer, though that almost seemed impossible now. Quite a bit had happened outside of Zayn and Niall’s little world of perfection. Leona was slowly becoming easier and easier for Louis to control, meaning he would be freed sometime soon while Harry had yet to utter a word still - not even a whisper to Louis anymore. 

 

Louis was sure it was from the added stress of knowing that Louis might be off on his own soon, but Liam wasn’t quite sure. Nobody truly knew why Harry refused to speak, it had been something that had happened in his past that made him almost scared to talk. Louis had tried numerous times to get the lad to speak again to him, craving that low tone to fill his ears once more. But the force was strong with Harry, making the stubborn lad hard to defeat. 

 

Back to the present, Niall looked around at the set out paint cans in front of the couple, chewing his lower lip softly and looking over to Zayn. He was there to be an artist after all, well that and Niall just enjoyed having him around always.

 

“Alright Mr. Artist, how do we do this?” Niall asked slowly, turning to face Zayn with hands on his hips. The tanned lad stared at the wall a bit more, deep in thought. Niall was anticipating a huge idea, large reveal of a complex painting. He was not expecting the answer he got.

 

“You get paint and put it on the wall.” Niall stared at Zayn with wide eyes and an open mouth. That was it? He watched as Zayn tossed the large brush he had brought onto the ground, simply dipping his hand into a dark blue and pressing his palm against the wall. He looked back at Niall in confusion in his eyes, raised eyebrows adding to the effect. “You coming?” he asked, making Niall snap his mouth shut and blink.

 

“U-uh yeah,” he mumbled, moving forward to a green (“You’re so Irish Ni.”), dipping his hand in and putting a hand beside Zayn’s. This continued on for sometime, party music softly playing in the background as the worked with different colours and designs in a comfortable silence.

 

“Niall, what’s Liam’s backstory?” Zayn asked softly, attention on a painting he was doing for Niall now. The blonde was sitting back casually, sighing softly as he rested and simply watched Zayn work. Zayn had always been very interested in Niall’s friends’ stories, but was always too shy to ask them himself, so he depended on Niall for the information. Niall’s mind slowly traveled back to the story Liam had told him, of when he first noticed the ‘little birdy’.

 

***

Seven year old Liam Payne wasn’t your average kid. He realized this when he began to hear whispers, but when he would look around, nobody would be near him. The whispers started out soft and peaceful, telling him that he looked nice that day or that the girl he was crushing on liked him back… But slowly they began to order him around, telling him to do different tasks that would often end with Liam being scolded.

 

He tried to ignore the voice that was growing louder by the year, building with despise and hostility as well. It really did scare Liam, who was an all around sweet kid, didn’t get into much trouble on his own doing. He tried his hardest to ignore the voice as well… But then it began to punish him.

 

“No I can’t hurt her!” Liam screamed as he curled up on his own bed, hands covering his ears and eyes clenched shut as tears streamed down his face. 

 

“Hurt her Liam, Danielle deserves it. She deserves for you to hurt her. Do it, do it now!” the voice said back, tone even and threateningly calm. “Drag the blade across her skin, make her hate you like you deserve - make her suffer. Or else…” 

 

Liam felt like his heart stopped as the debilitating terror washed over him. Something bad was going to happen to him, he didn’t know what, but something bad was going to happen! He knew it, he could feel it seeping into his bones painfully slowly, but achingly quickly at the sametime. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand the now constant feeling that someone was going to hurt him, that the dark figure that was ever present in the back of his mind would strike one day and render him powerless against the little birdy. “I won’t hurt her, I love her!”

 

Danielle was now seventeen year old Liam’s girlfriend of two years. She knew about his condition, knew of what state he could be thrown into and the risks that came along with dating Liam, but she didn’t care. She loved Liam for who he was and found the little birdy easy to see past. But the little birdy was not happy with Liam’s attention being spread away from it, and it wanted her dead. Now.

 

“If you don’t kill her, I will kill you!” the voice screamed, resembling the sound of nails scratching down a chalkboard. “I will force you into a pit of the most intense pain, every nerve ending on your body with burn as if being dipped into boiling hot water! Take her life, or I take yours!”

 

Liam let out a choked sob as he shook his head quickly, gripping at his hair tightly and pulling at it, trying to get the voice out of his head, even though he knew that the attempts would never work. He had pulled out his hair when he was younger, sure that it was the cause for this torture. Nothing worked though, the medication was too weak for his state and the people around him made nothing better. They would look at him, and he swore they could just tell that he was fucked up. They judged him, laughing in their eyes as they would pass by, he wanted it all to stop!

 

… That was it.

 

Liam stood slowly, the voice still screaming at him before letting out a cackling laugh as Liam stood. He moved quickly, making his way to the bathroom with his waterbottle in hand. His eyes were blurry and tunneled as he searched for his medication along with his usual sleeping pills. Once he finally found them, he popped the tops, unknowing of the opening of his bedroom door and entering of Danielle herself. He downed the small pills quickly, moving onto the sleeping ones with more difficulty, as they were larger and his throat was sore from all his sobbing and screaming. That was when Danielle entered the bathroom.

 

Everything seemed to freeze for the couple, Liam stopping his pill swallowing and Danielle stopping in her tracks, eyes locked on Liam’s. They were filled with swirling emotions, panic being the main one there. “Liam NO!” she screamed, seeming to start time again as she lurched forward to grab the bottle. Liam let out a yelp, moving back as quick as he could.

 

“NO Danielle leave! It wants to hurt you! It wants to hurt you so badly!” Liam protested in a choking shout. They wrestled over the pills for about ten minutes before they were finally spilled on the ground, making Liam break down once more. “No Danielle! It wants to hurt you! I can’t hurt you! I can’t-!” Liam sobbed, his screams turning to broken whimpers. They were on the ground, Liam with his face in his hands as he wept uncontrollably with Danielle sitting against the wall behind her. She tried to coo to Liam soothingly, making him lean against her as she rubbed his back and neck softly, all while quietly talking on the phone with paramedics.

 

Four days and one stomach pump later, Liam was dropped off at the Institute, not to see Danielle until he was well and able to control his actions fully.

 

That was nearly a year ago.

 

***

“Whoa…” Zayn whispered softly, looking away from his painting to Niall, who was staring at the floor. Liam’s story was always hard to tell… Mostly because that wasn’t his first attempt. Happy, chipper Liam had tried to commit suicide a total of twelve times only to be foiled by Danielle or his mother. Niall was determined to meet those wonderful ladies and thank them. “They haven’t spoken in a year then?” Zayn asked slowly, voice sounding slightly pained. Once you were put into the Institute, your contact to the outside world is seriously limited strictly to certain family members. Danielle was not one of them for Liam.

 

“Let’s lighten up a bit, yeh?” Niall exclaimed as he hopped up, leaving Zayn’s question unanswered. He examined the the coppery, fall themed tree Zayn had been painting, smiling softly. “Looks like the walls done, but I’m not done painting,” he said, smiling brighter as his eyes flashed mischievously. The tanned artist sent a confused look towards Niall, only to gasp as cold paint was wiped along his collarbone. 

 

“Oh no you did not Horan!” Zayn exclaimed, bright smile taking over his face as he dipped his fingers into a random paint can and flicked the colour all over Niall. With a yelp, the paint fight commenced, quickly getting both lads and their clothes dirty. They laid beside eachother as the paint dried quickly, laughing loudly and feeling completely carefree. 

 

After about fifteen minutes of laughing and little bouts of paint play again, the pair finally calmed down and were left just staring at the ceiling with stupid smiles.

 

“Zayn… What are we?” Niall asked softly, not looking over to his tanned crush. Zayn though was looking at him, studying his profile that was slowly beginning to fill up once more, to look healthy at last.

 

“You really wanna know?” he asked quietly, making Niall look over to him in confusion as their eyes connected. “We are perfect.” The answer warmed Niall’s heart and made his lips stretch into a wide smile. He rolled onto his side, pulling Zayn toward him in order to kiss properly. Zayn’s hand went to the back of Niall’s neck, combing through the hair there gently as they kissed deeply, tongues already fighting for dominance.

 

Everything began to blur in a rush then.

 

Niall felt the heat rising as their kissing failed to slow, as it often did at this point, instead just becoming needier, more desperate. Both lads could feel their jeans begin to tighten, but neither cared, especially not when Zayn rolled onto Niall, keeping himself up on his arms so that Niall felt his body, but not his weight. Their hips began to meet and create a most delicious, delectable friction in the world as airy moans were shared. 

 

The kisses still only heated up more, the two moving against eachother freely for an unset amount of time before Zayn’s lips moved down to Niall’s neck. The blonde laid panting, fingered tangled into Zayn’s silky hair as he moved even further down, pressing chaste kisses along the way to sitting up and removing his shirt. Niall did the same, laying back down as Zayn worked at his pants. Neither was naked, their pants simply unbuttoned but still on as they returned to their earlier heated kisses, tongues coiling together.

 

Their hips continued to meet, erections bumping together often as they fiercely attempted to create more and more friction, more closeness. Zayn removed his own jeans after a while, Niall watching with dark, lust filled blue eyes as the brunette also removed his jeans. Niall was kissed once more before being flipped over onto his stomach, Zayn now moving against his back, length bumping against his arse. Niall let out a moan, breathy still from such a long time of simply kissing, which left his lips swollen and red. 

 

“Are you ready?” Zayn asked softly, voice coming out raspy and seductive. All Niall could manage was a nod before he felt Zayn slip his boxers off and the cool air hit his bare bum. Then they were pressed together again, the feeling of their overheated, sweaty skin meeting at last oh so satisfying. They still weren’t close enough though.

 

Niall was no virgin, in any sense. He had been popular after all, enjoyed partying before he turned to bulimia and was often with boys or girls. He hadn’t been with anyone in months though, which meant he was a tab bit nervous and a little rusty. He trust Zayn though, he trusted Zayn with his life! That was why he focused solely on the peppering of kisses along side of his neck along with his shoulder-blades when he felt the almost burning, damp tip of Zayn pressing against him. The artist slid in slowly, stopping often to allow Niall time to adjust after having no prep or lube. 

 

Ten minutes later he was fully sheathed in the tight, overwhelming heat that was Niall Horan. They sat there then, their heavy breaths mixing together, mixing with hisses from Zayn as he forced himself not to move. It felt so amazing though, the warmth of his muscles as the flexed against him, trying to adjust and stretch - it was almost too much.

 

“Move,” Niall suddenly ordered, making Zayn moan in relief and slowly pull out. He made it to the head before pushing back in and repeating, moving against Niall as the blonde tried to push back and maneuver into that one position that would feel so fucking amazing.

 

When they did finally find that spot, everything flashed white and Niall let out an elongated moan, demanding Zayn hit it again, over and over. Zayn wasn’t about to disappoint Niall, so he followed his directions, moving against the smaller lad in a way that wasn’t rough, not hardly. It was deep though, slow and meaningful, nothing like anything Niall had ever had before. 

 

They came together, in a wonderful symphony of moaning and slight whimpers. Zayn rolled off slowly, holding Niall to his chest though, both quivering softly from the sheer strength of their climaxes.

 

“Promise to me you’ll never purge again…” Zayn whispered against Niall’s ear as he panted, making the lad shiver.

 

“Promise. Promise you won’t cut ever again.”

 

“Promise.”


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be a bit triggering, so warning for that.

The months that followed were wonderfully simple. Everyday was similar, Zayn would greet Niall for breakfast with a gentle kiss as he watched Louis and Harry cuddle or Leona and Liam bicker. Then they would go to classes and group session and spend the rest of the day just hanging around eachother, sometimes talking sometimes silent.

 

Then came the day Louis left.

 

***

 

“Good morning love,” Zayn murmured, kissing Niall’s cheek as he sat beside him at their usual table. He didn’t get a response though, just a sniffle and a tight embrace. He could feel Niall’s hot tears trickling down the side of his neck, the blonde’s shoulders gently shaking with each shaky, nearly silent sob. The brunette blinked, holding Niall gently as he looked around for any sort of explanation.

 

What he saw was just as heartbreaking as Niall crying… Well almost, they weren’t Niall after all.

 

Harry had Louis in his arms, messy curls hiding his face, but the small whimpers coming from his were an obvious sign that he was crying. His hands were in fist as he held onto the back of Louis’ jumper for dear life. The smaller lad didn’t look much better, though he had managed to keep his sobs in. 

 

“Come on Haz… I’m sure we’ll be reunited soon,” Louis whispered, holding him closer. “All you have to do is talk…”

 

“Louis! You know you can’t force or even ask Harry to do that!” Liam scolded from his place beside Louis’ bags. Liam had always been very protective of Harry, but had been too scared for the longest time. His medication was truly beginning to take effect though, making his mind much more clear and the constant feeling of panic subside. In all honesty, the band seemed to be splitting up. Niall hadn’t purged in months and was now back to being bright and healthy, Zayn was social and talkative, happy now. 

 

Then there was Harry. 

 

Harry seemed so happy, so carefree and just so in love. And yet… He still refused to speak. Louis had asked him about it, getting the written answer of course, and simply sighed.

 

“I can’t tell you… I can’t even tell me… because telling is remembering and remembering is dangerous - painful. I’m sorry, I love you.”

 

Louis had dropped the subject, even if it was the only thing on his mind for the rest of the time he was there. And now he was leaving. 

 

“Louis, love, your ride is here,” Rebecca called from the front doors, making Harry let out a choked sob as he clung more to Louis for a moment. He let go though, even when Louis held on, he let go and pushed him away. Harry’s cheeks were damp from tears that were still streaking. He gave the shorter lad a supportive, watery smile though, kissing him softly before walking to Liam.

 

“Harry…” Louis called softly, tears finally falling slowly.

 

“Louis, we have to be going now…” Jay called, confused as to who this mystery boy was. Louis had told her about Harry over the phone during one of the few calls they were allowed, but that was months ago.

 

With a sigh though, Louis turned around to face his mum, smiling brightly and pulling her into a hug. “I missed you mummy,” he whispered to her, making her let out a damp laugh. “I better see you all after this, keep in touch!” he called over, making Niall bite his lip to keep the tears from flowing once more. The blonde hid his face against the crook of Zayn’s neck once more, sniffling still. 

 

After more promises to keep in touch were made, along with quiet goodbyes and another heart wrenching scene between boyfriends, Louis was off. Gone.

 

Nothing was the same.

 

***

 

Niall stared in the mirror, rubbing his now present cheeks. Sure they had been there before, but now they were… chubby. Niall’s eyes were teary and rimmed with red as he continued to stare, moving back to see his whole body. Pudge was everywhere…

 

“Zayn likes you like this, remember? Zayn loves you… You promised not to..” a tiny voice in Niall’s head reminded him, making his teeth scrape over his bottom lip. He took a deep breath, walking over to the nearby toilet and opened it slowly. He knelt down in front of it, taking a deep breath and sticking his fingers into his mouth. He began to slowly ease them back, wincing in preparation for the burning sensation and acidic taste to come. 

 

His eyes were bright with tears. He couldn’t let Zayn date someone who looked so fat, right? Zayn would never love him if he continued gaining weight, what proper lad would? But… He had promised… Niall swore to the brunette that he would never purge again.

 

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. “Ni? Niall are you okay?” Zayn’s very own worried voice called in, confusion mixing with his words. Niall panicked, quickly pulling his fingers from his mouth, but by then, it was too late. 

 

Zayn walked into the room and his heart dropped at the sight in front of him. Niall, his Niall, kneeling infront of a toilet with wide, fearful eyes. 

 

“Zayn! I-I can explain-“

 

“No.” Zayn voice was hard, stale at the sametime. His eyes were empty, instead of the intense, angry fire Niall had been expecting. “You were about to do it again.”

 

Niall flinched softly at the accusation, gnawing on his lip as he stared down at the marble tiles. “You don’t understand, I can’t let you date me when I’m so.. fat.”

 

“You aren’t fat though Niall, goddammit!” Zayn nearly shouted, frustration and betrayal slipping in. “You are so beautiful now, so fucking gorgeous and all you see is fat! You’re healthy again, or close to it!”

 

Tears blurred Niall vision as he glared right back. “Stop lying to me! Stop fucking lying!”

 

“I’m not lying! You were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen even when you were sick! I didn’t think you could get any more beautiful until I saw you healing!”

 

“Go play your sick joke somewhere else Zayn, I’m done!”

 

“…”

 

“Wait Zayn, I-I didn’t mean-“

 

“You don’t want me around?” Zayn’s pained voice cut Niall off. The sputtering blonde shook his head in protest, unable to form proper words. Zayn sighed, staring down for a bit before he nodded softly. “I’m gone then. Do what you like, I don’t care anymore.” It was that voice. It sounded almost like a stranger to Niall now, the empty tone chilling.

 

Niall had quickly gotten up to catch the fleeing Zayn, but he was too late… Zayn was already down the hallway and it was hopeless. Niall had lost the love of his life all because he cared so much about how others viewed him. There was only one good thing to come from the fiasco: an epiphany.

 

***

 

It truly is amazing how quickly two people can go back to being strangers.

 

Niall sat with Liam and Harry (who had thankfully adapted to life without Louis… It only too four months) at their usual table. It’d just been over a month without Zayn, since that night Niall had began to think about purging. He just couldn’t do it though, not anymore. He had once, right after Zayn left, but the burn in his throat was no longer comforting - a reminder that he was thin. Now, it was just a searing reminder that Zayn was no longer there.

 

He craved the tanned lad though, desired for his touch once more and the tingle he would feel when their lips would meet. He craved that voice, along with the silly ones Zayn would use to make Niall laugh until he was crying and he felt a six pack coming on. He missed Zayn.

 

Niall was stuck on the other side of the room, stealing glances back at Zayn every now and then, only to find the lad absorbed in a drawing. 

 

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” Liam shocked Niall out of his thoughts. He hadn’t even noticed he was staring… “I really think you should… He’s been wearing long sleeves again…” Niall’s breathing hitched, he hadn’t noticed that either..

 

“You didn’t hear his voice or see his face though Li… There’s nothing I can do now,” Niall argued with a sigh.

 

“Still, talking might help, yeah?” Harry nodded along with his friend, mouth full from a bite of cereal. Niall sighed, looking back at Zayn once more, but this time was different. This time, his eyes locked with dark brown ones, just like the very first day.

 

Niall took a leap of faith then, following after the retreating Malik, running to catch up. “Zayn we need to talk!” he exclaimed, grabbing his wrist. Zayn ripped his arm away though, shaking his head.

 

“Go away Niall,” he ordered, voice cold as steal.

 

“No!” argued Niall, grabbing Zayn once more by the wrist and pulling him close. Niall had been working out recently at the Institute’s gym, getting more in shape without throwing up. “You need to listen!”

 

Zayn sighed loudly, pulling his (sore) wrist away once more, but making no advance to move. “Talk then.”

 

Niall let out a breath of relief, “I didn’t purge that day, okay? We-well I did… But only after you left! Only after you said we were done! But that’s because I thought that… I thought that it would help. I thought it wouldn’t mean anything…”

 

“Niall, you broke your promise… You said that you wouldn’t purge as long as you were in love with me… The fact that you even considered- Forget it. That whole time never happened,” Zayn said, sighing in the middle and turning to leave. Niall let out a groan/whine and once more took Zayn’s wrist in his hand.

 

“I still love you!” he exclaimed, freezing when he felt a warm feeling spread on his fingers. He blinked, pulling his hand way to find his fingers covered in a light coat of blood. Niall looked up at Zayn with wide eyes, tugging the lad’s sleeve up quickly.

 

Cuts. Everywhere.

 

One had begun to bleed again, most likely from Niall tugging and gripping it so much, and Niall watched as the dark red dripped off from the cut. 

 

“You broke your promise…” the blonde whispered, tears filling his eyes as his fingertips danced around the cuts softly. Suddenly, the wrist was out of his hand and he was left with a ghost feeling of the warmth that was just there. Blue eyes darted up and connected again with familiar brown.

 

“I’m gone Ni,” he whispered, turning around and walking away. Niall didn’t realize he was crying until Harry was shaking him softly, wiping away the tears. Everything was ruined… Everything.


	6. Chapter 5

“Niall, we’re happy to inform you that you’ll be free to go next week!” Rebecca said from Niall’s doorway, making him look up from his school work and stare. Next week? But this place was like his home now… His friends were here, his room, his life. Niall had been in the Institute for just over a year now and he was already free to go? Liam had been here for two years, Harry nearly four! That didn’t even seem fair… 

 

But everything here was starting to hurt… He and Zayn hadn’t even spoken in weeks, rarely making simple eye contact anymore. But everything reminded Niall of him. The hallways, the table he sat at, especially the wall they had painted…

 

“Thanks, I’ll get packing then, yeah?” he said, forcing on a smile. Sure, he was excited to see his mum and dad again, who wouldn’t be? Greg was sure to have missed him… So were Sean and Josh… But they weren’t ever going to mean as much as Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn. Those four understood, even though they were all there for completely separate reasons, they all understood. Niall had to be strong, he would be moving out soon enough, maybe looking Louis up and meeting him for coffee or something. He could do this. He could live in the real world.

 

Since his encounter with Zayn, Niall had completely thought off purging. He no longer saw his ‘pudge’ as fat, but as a token of his survival. He was quite proud of the meat on his bones, the fat and muscle alike. Without Zayn, Niall didn’t think he would have gotten over his disease so quickly.

 

“You should tell your friends, especially Zayn. He’s been seeming.. Down lately,” Rebecca went on, giving Niall one more smile with a friendly wink before leaving. Niall was rooted though. He had seen Zayn acting normally… Well, normal for the way he had been before. With a sigh, Niall thought back to their first date, the day he had heard about Zayn’s story.

 

***

 

“I was never a really popular kid. I was just kind of that other kid, the one who wore the black leather and dark denim… The smoking one. The one with the tattoos. Right, I had my small group of friends and we had a lot of fun together, but it didn’t stop other blokes from calling me a terrorist. I never thought I care,” Zayn said, staring at the wall or his lap, but never meeting Niall’s eyes.

 

“I guess it all just started going down hill one day. I don’t know what happened, it started out where I would just not care about this or that. Someone would say something rude or offensive and I just wouldn’t care. I stopped reacting.

 

It seems like everything just stopped at once though. Almost as if I was on autopilot until eventually I realized that I was just a shell. I didn’t talk to my friends anymore, I would go to school, eat and draw. I barely even slept, my mind would be buzzing with white noise, no coherent thoughts, just buzzing. It felt like I was just walking dead.

 

I figured out that I could still feel pain while I was washing dishes. I was just cleaning off some knives when I accidentally cut my palm. The feeling it gave me was… Incredible. I would feel light, happy, euphoric almost… All because I realized that I really was alive, I was breathing still, my heart pumping. So I started doing it on purpose, I began to love the sting I would get, the pinch I would feel when I broke skin… All of it was perfect.

 

I cut everywhere, my wrists, upper arms, shins, thighs… Everywhere. My mum walked in on me though, she found me with the razor blade against my arm and immediately searched for doctors to help. I went to so many therapists, but none of them worked. It was obvious they didn’t give half a fuck. I would talk about something random, like watching cartoons or playing videogames, and just ignore whatever questions they threw at me. Then my mum heard about the Institute. She had me packed and signed up three days later and I’ve been here since. Almost two years now.” Zayn’s story was long, but it opened Niall’s eyes. He wasn’t alone. Their stories were so different, yet so similar… It was amazing.

 

***

 

“Our Nialler’s getting out too!” Liam exclaimed, smiling brightly. The blonde blinked, looking back and forth between Harry and Liam’s beaming smiles.

 

“Too?”

 

“Yeah! I was just told that I’m getting out!” Liam explained, Harry nodding along. Niall smiled brightly, pulling Liam into a friendly hug. He wasn’t just excited for his best mate to see Danielle (who had hopefully waited patiently for him), but also because he knew how much the ‘little birdy’ effected Liam… he had heard about the crushing fear that would overcome him. Liam was free now though, from so many things.

 

“You gonna be okay without us Harry?” Niall asked slowly, giving Harry a worried look. The curly lad nodded quickly, pointing over to Zayn with a smile still on his lips. Niall was taken aback, Harry and Zayn had never really interacted before… What had changed?

 

“Alright, well let’s make these last days last!” the blonde exclaimed happily, pulling the other two towards the dining hall. Today was for celebration! He had three days to tell Zayn he was leaving, there was time, right?

 

***

 

There was not time.

 

Niall had been so caught up, making plans to keep in touch with Liam as well as thinking up ways to find Louis and Harry’s mum. They wanted to make sure Harry could get any letters from Louis, and that could only happen if Anne sent them.

 

In all the rush to pack and coordinate everything, Niall had forgotten to tell Zayn the big news. The thought didn’t occur to him until he was standing outside with his mum and watching Liam embracing who he assumed to be Danielle. She fit the description, wild curls, chocolatey brown eyes, natural soft tan skin… She was really lovely. 

 

They couple were just holding eachother, bright, silly grins on their faces. Danielle even had tears on her cheeks, love in her eyes. That was when Niall realized his mistake, but it was too late now. He was gone for good.

 

***

 

“Harry?” Zayn said slowly, staring at the taller lad as he took the seat across the table. “What are you doing here? Where’s Liam and Ni.. Niall?” he asked, breath hitching at Niall’s name. Harry scowled, his usual bright, friendly feature darkened as he slipped a piece of paper to Zayn.

 

‘He left. Both of them actually. They got clean bills of health and were off.’

 

Zayn frowned, stiffening in his seat. “No…” he muttered, refusing to believe this. Niall wouldn’t leave without telling him… Without a goodbye kiss or a hug at least! “You’re lying!” The panic was clear in Zayn’s voice, the cloudy, almost film like look in his eyes disappearing as they brightened with emotion. Harry had to hide his triumphant smirk.

 

Zayn shot up, running down the halls to Niall’s room, knocking on is desperately. His features relaxed into a smile as the door knob turned to open.

 

“Hey kid, what do ya need? We’re trying to work here!” a man dressed in a jumpsuit and armed with a paint roller said. Zayn’s eyes widened. Niall was gone. Niall was really gone. Zayn hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye, hadn’t gotten the chance to apologize! What if he never saw the blonde sprite again?!

 

“Fuck!” he swore loudly, running through the halls to the Autumn room, still searching for Niall. He went throughout each of the mini hang outs, finding them all empty. By the time he made it back to Autumn, he was exhausted and panting, falling onto the couch. He was joined by Harry not too long after.

 

“He’s really gone, yeah?” Zayn asked softly, tearing up slowly.

 

“You have to get better.” Zayn shot up. He’d never heard that voice before, no one had! He stared at Harry with wide, shocked eyes.

 

“Harry did you just-“

 

“No, I’m talking to you telepathically,” the green-eyed brunette said, cheeky smirk taking over. “You have to get better and get out. You have to get back to Niall. He loves you so much Zayn, so so much.”

 

Zayn shook off his disbelief. Harry’s voice matched up with him perfectly, the tone and expressions working together in perfect harmony. “You think he’ll take me back…”

 

“I know he will! Just go talk to the therapist and start getting better!” Harry laughed, smile still in place. Zayn smiled as well, though his was much more reserved, unsure of himself even. He hopped up though, running towards the door. He stopped in the doorway though, turning back to face Harry.

 

“Hey Harry? Why haven’t you been talking?” he asked slowly, biting his lip. Harry smiled softly, twisting around from his seat.

 

“I’ve been fine to talk for months, since you and Niall go into the fight. The thing is though, people tend to listen more when you talk a little less.” Zayn smiled once more, running off. He had negotiations to do.

 

***

 

Two months later - two months is all! - Zayn and Harry were set free together, ready to find their loved ones.

 

The adventure was more than they expected though.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! Oh no! 
> 
> Or oh yay, I don't know maybe you hated this story.

Months past once more, quickly this time. Zayn had finally been able to find a job working at a tattoo and piercing parlor, not an ideal job, but it was amazing. Zayn often had people coming in with an idea in mind and they would just tell him to go crazy with it. He had moved out of his parent’s house after saving up money, leaving Bradford for Manchester. He quickly found work there as well, finding a relatively inexpensive flat to share with a lad named Aiden.

The search for Niall was never ending, but Zayn was slowly losing hope. He wasn’t going back to being numb though, not anymore. He met interesting people everyday now, all of them having interesting stories. Though, there were those few cases when young teen girls would come in for a piercing or even a tramp stamp That had been so awkward and made Zayn feel so illegal. Not to mention she got a faith themed one… Zayn was a bit irritated for the rest of that day.

He had kept in touch with Harry, thus keeping in touch with Louis and Liam. Still no Niall though… The last he had heard was the he had moved to England for university. Zayn missed the blonde so much… Everyday the lad seemed more and more like a faint, distant memory. A dream. An angel. But still just a fantasy.

***

“I’m off to the park, I just need to write a bit, I’ll be back before dinner so don’t eat all the pizza! Bye Sean!” Niall called as he adjusted the tote bag (“It’s a satchel Sean!”) across his chest. Niall had been attending uni for three months now, after a lovely spring and summer spent at his own home. He was now back to a completely healthy weight, but still felt fit from his weekly trips to the gym. He was maintaining proper weight now.

He had started out by keeping in touch with Louis and Liam, but as weeks went on and phone bills rose, he slowly stopped minus the rare email or two. He moved to Manchester to go to uni with his old mate Sean not too long ago, quickly becoming accustomed to the local parks. Since his days out of the Institute, he kept a constant journal.

As he walked to the park on that fine autumn day, he thought back to his friends from the Institute. He had heard that Louis and Harry had easily found eachother and were planning on moving in together as soon as possible. Anne (Harry’s mother) was obviously keeping him back a bit, but she had met Louis now, the lad would travel up to Cheshire for a weekend every now and then (or every weekend). And then there’s Zayn… The boyfriend who seemed to have all been in his imagination.

Niall sighed as he sat down on the usual bench, pulling out his journal and a pen. He chewed softly on the top cap of it, looking around as he tried to think of the words. It was a truly lovely day, nice blue sky with few clouds, the trees were changing colours, and it was just chilly enough to wear a jumper and scarf.

After finally thinking up the perfect way to word his thoughts, Niall began to write, putting down his thoughts, how his day had been, everything. It was a beautiful way to go about things, making it easier for him to see the bright side. When he wrote things down, he could reread them, see that they weren’t as bad as he had thought. The half full notebook was already well used, the spirals beginning to stretch apart or squish together, a few of the pages ripped. Sean would often tease Niall about his ‘diary’, he said it was something only girls could do. Niall knew it was all in good fun though, not to hurt his feelings, so he would just laugh it off and correct it as being a journal for health purposes.

He finished up his entry soon enough, sighing as he set the item beside him and sat back. He closed his eyes softly, taking in the chilled fall breeze that froze the tip of his nose. This was calming, not having to deal with the hot, humid summer or the bone chilling winter or even the spring of too many smells. Autumn was perfect. But it reminded him of Zayn more than he would ever like to admit. It would bring about an achy feeling in his chest, remembering all the days they spent together, playing with eachother’s fingers as they cuddled quietly, bringing up whatever popped into their mind. Their first date… Their first ‘I love you’… Their first fight and then makeup.. So many firsts in that one room.

Niall sighed quietly, opening his eyes and checking the time. It was nearly dinner… He stood slowly, stretching and sniffling, wiping away the tears he had been unconsciously shedding. Then he was off, walking back to his flat.

Leaving the notebook behind.

***

“Harry, Louis’ here,” Anne called up the stairs, smiling when she heard rushed foot steps. She turned back to Louis, who was already in the kitchen and making tea. “How was your week dear?” she asked softly, sitting down at the rounded dining room table.

“It was lovely, I’m so close to becoming actually fulfilling my dream already and I honestly cannot wait,” he exclaimed, setting her tea in front of her.

“I don’t think I ever properly said this but… Thank you so much. Without you, Harry probably wouldn’t have started talking again.. It’s so wonderful to hear his voice and how it’s changed,” she said softly, eyes bright with emotion. Louis blushed lightly, fiddling with his cuppa with a stupid smile on his face, the kind that made his cheeks hurt.

“Thank you for giving birth to him… Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to heal,” he replied in a whisper, turning around soon after when Harry could be heard running down the stairs.

“Louis,” the curly boy exclaimed, rushing over to press a chaste, upside down kiss on Louis’ lips. “What are we talking about?” he asked after, still smiling widely as he picked up his own mug.

“I actually wanted to ask if you would like to move in with Louis.” Harry and Louis nearly choked, eyes wide as they stared at Anne.

“You mean it mum? I could move in with him?” Harry asked slowly, biting his lip to keep the smile off his face. He couldn’t let himself get too hopeful after all. He shot Louis a look, finally smiling when he saw Lou’s own wide, surprised smile.

Anne waved her hand, smiling into her cup as she took a sip. “Of course, I’ve had you home for months now and I see that you can take care of yourself. You’ve grown up so much… And I would bet money that Louis’ flat is horrific,” she said, winking at a now pouting Louis. “Only if he’d like to have you anyway.”

“Of course, I basically lived with Harry for two years, I miss having him around all the time,” Louis exclaimed, shooting Harry those heart eyes he had.

And that was how Louis and Harry finally moved in together.

***

Zayn was just taking a stroll, trying to clear his thoughts and really brainstorm over a new tattoo he was to design. All the person had said they wanted was something autumn themed… That was it. Now he was stuck, walking through a park of memories. He was drawing a complete blank, what could he do that wasn’t too huge but still autumn themed? Who the hell was this guy anyway? Zayn hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to him…

With a loud sigh, he sat down on a bench, rubbing his eyes as he tried to think. He had to think of things that were like autumn, but Niall was the only thing on his mind. It really was a curse.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, blinking softly as he looked around the orangey coloured park. He rose an eyebrow when he saw a notebook by his side, one that was a lovely shade of green and blue put together. He knew it was none of business and that he shouldn’t have looked in it… But what the hell.

***

Dear Journal,  
I don’t care what Sean says, you aren’t a diary. I’m at the park again, it was a long day. Uni’s going great still though, I’m loving my major right now Who knew I’d get into Psychology?  
It’s finally autumn, but you know what that means. Memory lane. I’m starting to think everything was in my head, that we never end happened… I haven’t talked to the other lads in awhile, but I’m sure they’re busy…  
I miss him a lot right now.  
I miss everything about him. I miss how much we would laugh together, I miss how we would cuddle, how we would make love, how we kissed, how we made fucking eye contact I miss it all so much… And I wish I could go back and change it. I wish I could go back and fix everything or not even break it in the first place… Sean says I need to get out and find somebody, that I need to move on. Well, I’m just waiting for my days of working in a coffee shop to pay off. Maybe my life will turn into a novel unexpectedly. I’ll just be hanging out when a hot stranger will waltz in and ask for a drink and my number. Then we’ll fall in love quickly… And it will never be the same as my time with him. It will never live up to those moments. I’m twenty now and already thinking like this It’s been over a year, I’m never going to find him  
I’m a bit upset now, but hell, it could always be worse… Bye Journal.

Love, Niall

***

Zayn stared. No way in hell. His mind began to race, had he just found his Niall? It wasn’t like Niall was a popular name, it had to be him It just had to Zayn leafed through the pages, searching for any detail that might show him that it really was Niall. There was no way to tell though, this Niall never named his past love, though he described Zayn in near perfect detail. Zayn gulped, taking out a pen and writing a note on the next page. He was sure this was Niall, this would work.

Dear Niall,  
You sound like you’ve done a lot this past year. And all I’ve done is work at a tattoo place You’re looking for some kind of coffee house romance? How funny, I pegged you more as the mental institute romance type person. Who am I to judge though? Sounds like you miss that guy a lot… I bet he misses you just as much.. Don’t give up hope. Love will always find a way.  
Love, the artist

That was it. Keeping it simple. With a deep breath, Zayn slipped the notebook under the bench and stood. Suddenly, he had some inspiration…

***

“SEAN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I CAN’T FIND IT,” Niall screamed the next day as he was quite literally tearing the house apart in search for his journal. Meanwhile, his lovely flatmate just sat back and snickered.

“I’m telling you, you probably left it at the park, just check there on your way to work,” he said, the picture of mellow calmness. Niall truly envied him at the moment. He sighed softly, today would just be another day, and now he didn’t have his journal. Someone was bound to steal it afterall, thought he really didn’t understand why they would want to… It was completely beat up…

“Fine fine, I’ll check there… Be back later,” he said with a sigh, grabbing his tote bag (“SATCHEL!”) and was out the door. The walk to the park was normal, only a block or so from the coffee shop he worked in called, In The Park Cuppa . Cheesey right? Niall was in a rush to pick up his notebook which was hopefully still waiting for him patiently on the fourth bench in.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw his little green three-subject notebook sitting under the bench, looking completely untouched and safe… Only under the bench now. Niall thanked whatever kind stranger decided it would be safest under that bench as he rushed over to pick it up, dusting it off softly. This journal was everything to Niall… It wasn’t just that he enjoyed reading back on it to see how he could view things with rose coloured lens, but also because he usually wrote down the dreams he had had the night before. And last night had been an absolutely glorious dream.. until he woke up. There was no time to write it down right then though, he’d have to wait for his break to do so, until then, he would just continue thinking about it to keep the memory alive.

***

Niall’s dream had been so clear, like it was really happening. It started with Niall walking into a completely blank room… If it was even a room. Then, pictures began to form as he walked around. The pictures would move and it soon became clear that the pictures were memories, but they were silent. It started out with Niall first arriving at the Institute all that time ago. Everything was crisp and sharp, though the edges took on the classic blurred edges and softened colours.

The second memory was the first group meeting, when he saw Zayn closer up… Suddenly Niall remember just what the brunette looked like, how his skin was so naturally tanned and how his lashes were stunning. The way his eyes would narrow ever so slightly in concentration as he worked on an art piece…

The next memory was a montage of their long distance conversations. From the first one, to the final one before Niall received the drawing and accepted just how much he had fallen for Zayn.

The guitar session, the first time they spoke, was next. Niall remembered teaching Zayn how to play the guitar, how it felt when he would help Zayn out by wrapping his fingers around the lad’s. He remembered how wonderful it was when he heard Zayn sing for the first time… It was all so perfect.

The memories went on and on, going through all of their time together. It was like a reminder for why Niall would never stop searching, why he would never give up without Zayn. He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye and he refused to let that be the end of things.

***

 

A block away from Niall, Zayn was running late. He had stayed up lat the night before, mind crowded with thoughts of what might happen if that really was his Niall. He had also designed the tattoo he would be giving someone that day, later though. Right now though, he didn’t have time to stop at Cuppa to get some coffee.

 

He ran past the shop, unnoticed by the blonde working an abnormal morning shift.

 

“This is why I can’t work mornings, I was so close to being late,” he muttered, while making somebody’s order. He was just the coffee maker, not the order taker. He made the pumpkin gingerbread spice coffee quickly though, setting it down and calling out the name. “Leeyum?” Their cashier really was an idiot.

 

“Niall?” That voice was familiar, one he hadn’t heard in months. Niall’s eyes snapped up from the drink he was mixing and met a pair of familiar brown ones.

 

“Li!” he exclaimed, smiling brightly. “I haven’t seen you in so long, we’ll have to catch up! I missed you!” Liam laughed warmly, taking a sip and letting out a pleased hum.

 

“Yeah! Lou and Haz are in Manchester too, we’ll all have to get back together since we’re all here!” he said, making Niall raises an eyebrow.

 

“Even.. Even Zayn?” he asked slowly, heart racing and voice quiet. Liam blinked slowly, wiping away the bit of whipped cream that was on his upper lip.

 

“Yeah, haven’t you talked to him? He was here the last time we spoke…”

 

Niall looked down, feeling guilty. He should have made more effort to keep in touch… “I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to me.. Even now…”

 

“You haven’t spoken to Harry either then! He said that you were Zayn’s inspiration to get out. You should give them a call sometime!” Liam smiled, writing down his, Harry’s, and Lou’s phone numbers before waving and walking out. 

 

Niall tucked the paper into his pocket, feeling a bit shell shocked. Zayn was in Manchester as well? Did he remember Niall at all? He should, they dated for so long… They were so in love for so long… Was he still upset with Niall though? For purging? For leaving without a goodbye?

 

Niall shook his head, concentrating on work. He could think about Zayn on break…

 

***

 

“Liam?” Zayn gasped from his work bench. He was laying down there, waiting for the customer he was expecting to get there. He was not expecting Liam Payne though!

 

“Zayn?! You work here? You’re giving me a tattoo?” This was all so insane. First he sees Niall and now Zayn, who have not seen eachother even though they seem to work a block or two apart.

 

“You’re getting an autumn tattoo?” Zayn asked, voice full of confusion.

 

“Uh yeah, on the back of my shoulder… Since you know, that’s when I got out of the Institute…” he replied, smiling a bit. Zayn smiled back, patting his bench as he hopped off.

 

“That’s perfect then, I was going to put this on,” Zayn said, showing Liam the design he had come up with. It was a tree in a lightbulb, the leaves all fallen onto the bottom. The next four hours was spent with them talking and laughing, catching up.

 

***

 

Niall was frozen, his eyes locked on the note in his journal. The artist? Zayn was an artist… There was nowhere in his entries that said a thing about the Institute… Had… Had Zayn found his notebook? Niall was alone in the park once more, though it was now dark outside minus the artificial light from street lamps. He sat on his usual bench quietly, mind completely boggled by this note. Then he heard it. The soft strumming of a guitar from not far away.

 

Niall’s head snapped towards and his mouth fell open at the sight in front of him. A hand over his mouth, he looked Zayn up and down, taking everything in. He looked amazing, he had a few more tattoos and a blonde bit in his hair… He looked stunning.

 

“I should ink my skin with your name,” he sang, making Niall’s heart race and a smile to take over. This was one of the very first songs Niall had taught Zayn by request. Zayn had said it was their song, that it was the song that was perfect for them. The thought made Niall’s heart swell and tears spring into his eyes. He let out an overwhelmed little laugh as Zayn walked closer, singing more.

 

“Maybe I’m just in love when you woke me up,” he finished softly, standing right in front of Niall now. They stared into eachothers eyes silently, smiling softly at eachother, even if tears were running down Niall’s cheeks.

 

The blonde stood slowly, biting his lip before wrapping his arms around Zayn’s waist and pressing their lips together for a sweet, long awaited and overdue kiss.

 

They had waited a year to see eachother again. A year to kiss again. A year to be in love again.

 

And it was all worth it. From broken down and hopeless to here, together at last. What a happily ever after.

 

The End.


End file.
